Significant Support People: Churches

Churches can provide some very important support for trauma survivors. However, if churches are not careful, they can do some of the greatest harm to trauma survivors.

Spirituality is a very tender topic for people that have been severely abused. Sometimes the depth and vitality of their spiritual life is absolutely incredible, as their faith may have been the only thing of comfort during their years of torture. Yet, simultaneously, many trauma survivors have been systematically and purposefully abused and split on a spiritual level. They have been violently and forcefully taught a myriad of misconceptions and twisted lies. They may not be able to separate out truth from deception. To complicate matters further, there is often a tremendous amount of fear, anger, triggers, and PTSD symptoms associated with spiritual issues.

Most trauma survivors have lots of questions and confusion about their spiritual beliefs. They may feel the conflict of having their own personal faith, yet can see vivid memories of themselves being forced to participate in violent, ritualized behavior doing the very opposite of their faith. They may feel the internal split of some parts adamantly claiming to believe in the spiritual opposite from the host and / or core. They may fear that due to their trauma, they may never be allowed into the spiritual world of their choosing. They may feel eternally damned from early childhood experiences. They may be totally fed up with any and all spiritual worlds, so they may refuse to participate with anything anywhere.

However, no matter how enormous the complications, every single person is deserving of freedom of religion. Severe trauma and ritual abuse survivors have had that freedom stripped from them at a very early age. It is absolutely imperative to their emotional and spiritual healing that they regain their spiritual freedom, and can learn to make their own choices about their spiritual beliefs.

Some of the ways that churches can be helpful in this process are:

Read Do's & Don'ts for Singleton Friends of Multiples
Simply being good Samaritans – take time out of your busy church schedule to tend to the wounded laying bleeding in the middle of the road.
Listen, answer questions, and talk with the survivors. Let them tell you where they are coming from and what they do not understand.
Do not push, force, or rush the survivors into participating with church activities or church rituals before they are ready. This could lead to an enormous PTSD backlash.
Learn how the symbolism of the church was used in literal and concrete ways as a means of torture – i.e.: “baptisms of fire”, “washed in the blood”, “sacrificing yourself”, “honor your father” (even if he is a pedophile), etc. There are SO many examples of how church lingo is purposefully used, both figuratively and literally, to cause damage and destruction to abused children.
Know that the healing journey takes years of time. Do not push the survivors into expecting overnight miracles. This only sets them up to have another failure experience. The vast, vast, vast majority of survivors are NOT integrated and “healed” through instantaneous miracles. Let them have their healing process, as much is to be learned during this time.
Do not assume that alter personalities are demons. This is not the case. Being able to split during a time of extreme trauma was a gift of escape and a miraculous means of coping with the absolutely unfathomable. The different personalities are to be cherished and understood; they are not to be attacked as evil. It is true that they have seen the true forces of evil, but they are not evil themselves. These parts have survived direct battle warfare on the front lines of evil – they are the hero’s, not the enemies.
Know that these survivors have enormous lessons to teach all church members about persecution and spiritual warfare. Most church members have never ever had their faith tested the way a trauma survivor has. Because of the depth of what persecution means, don’t ever, ever assume that church people know more about spirituality than a trauma survivor.
Be willing to go the extra mile and to turn the other cheek. Resolving trauma issues is extremely complicated, and there is much to learn about how to respond effectively with survivors. Learn about emotional issues, trauma dynamics, projection, transference, flashbacks, amnesia, dissociation, addictions, etc. You will not be helpful if you do not do your homework in understanding the reality of life as a trauma survivor.
Be willing to do frequent but simple acts of service – provide food, help with shopping, help with transportation problems, assist with medical costs, assist with financial devastation, lend or give them good books and good music, etc. Do not ignore or overlook their daily needs. The everyday practical needs of a person must be attended to with kindness or your spiritual talk will be nothing but empty, useless jargon.
Model unconditional acceptance and eternal forgiveness as much as you can. Trauma survivors are truly familiar with being in trouble, hated, despised, misunderstood, and rejected. Teach them about kindness, gentleness, forgiveness, self-forgiveness, mercy, grace, and love. They have seen all the hatred they need to see. Be your best self as much as possible, and forgive, accept, forgive, accept, forgive, accept, forgive, accept…

Trauma survivors have already seen the worst, so they now deserve the kindest people in the world to be around them. Be a church and a people that truly live out the message of love, hope, and peace. Do not give these survivors any more reason to doubt and discredit the power of good.

If you would like to process any of these issues, please consider a clinical consultation.