Living with an adult survivor of child abuse is no easy task. Spouses and partners are the best witnesses of seeing the direct long-term effects of childhood sexual abuse and severe trauma. They see first-hand, on an everyday basis, the ongoing effects, the negative impact, and the painful disabilities caused by the abuse. They are the front lines of battling ongoing damage, or making progress in the healing journey. Because of the daily, direct contact with these dynamics, the spouse/partner plays one of the most essential roles in the healing of abuse for adult survivors of child abuse.

Where do you start in listing out the difficulties experienced on an everyday basis? The abuse from the past seems to have affected everything about the person you love in the present. It’s hard to think of anything that you can say or do that isn’t affected by the trauma.

Do's & Don'ts for Singleton Friends of Multiples

Every aspect of your relationship becomes a testimony to fighting the abuse, or recovering from the effects of the abuse. All too often, loving this person and living with the left-overs of the abuse are nearly impossible and incredibly difficult. Your patience and tolerance are tested regularly. You overlook the unfathomable. You have to stretch yourself in ways that seem almost “crazy” to understand or tolerate the bizarre absurdities with which you live.

Who supports the person who willingly stays in such complicated relationships? Most folks tell you to leave the person, or to avoid falling in love with them in the first place. Is the "trouble" worth it?

Yet, because you are here, that instantly says that yes, the person you love is totally worth the trouble it takes to be with them. Trauma survivors are incredibly interesting and entertaining people. They are absolutely worth loving. They add a depth to life that people with simpler histories can’t even imagine. They are beautiful and yes, they are definitely challenging. What’s the term? “High maintenance” comes to mind. But, nonetheless, they are deeply remarkable and fascinating people, and can bring great joy to your life. They can motivate you to greater growth within yourself, and push you to expand your own capacity for human potential and spiritual growth.

Many spouses wear out, or give up, or leave their relationship with the abused person before the effects of trauma are resolved sufficiently. They forget to maintain their own support and allow their own needs to be left unmet for too long. Year after year the stress is too draining, the load is too heavy, and the price becomes too high.

AbuseConsultants.com is here to provide help, support, understanding, and caring for you too. We can help you to maintain your strength and ability to stay in the relationship with the person you love. You can deepen your own capacity for growth and broaden your understanding. You deserve a life of peace and happiness too!

If you need to process any of these issues, please consider a clinical consultation.