You are being kind to yourself when you cultivate a friendship with a good person.

One of the biggest tragedies that occurs with severe trauma and childhood sexual abuse, is the damage done to the victim’s ability to connect to and relate with other people. Not only does the abuse shatter their trust in others, but also, the lack of comfort after the abuse further reinforces and deepens their belief that people are not there for them. After spending extended periods of time, even years of time, coping alone as a child with the heart-wrenching, negative effects of trauma, these survivors learn to not expect genuine support from anyone.

Overcoming these difficult alone-filled years is a very difficult task. Learning that there is anybody out there worth trusting is a very hard first step. Actually trusting that person is an equally difficult task. To go so far as to allow that other person to reach out and safely comfort them can almost seem impossible.

At the same time, developing supportive, caring, genuine, trusting relationships is one the very most healing elements of all. Trust, comfort, support, and acceptance are the very foundation of healing. A positive relationship teaches the survivor totally different truths about life. It teaches some of the good things, and allows for new, healthier experiences to become the norm.

Developing these supportive relationships is a very complicated process. It flat-out challenges many of the “trauma-based dynamics” that are not grounded in healthy behavior; therefore, the friction between the two sides can lead to deep turmoil and conflict at times. Yet, learning how to resolve conflict and being involved in relationships deeper than surface chatting are tremendously valuable skills.

And so as difficult and tumultuous as this area can be, developing safe, supportive relationships are absolutely essential and totally worth the effort. Trauma survivors need to learn that they are truly lovable people. They need to learn that they have absolute value as a person, and that they have something very precious within them to share with someone else.

Anything less than a genuine friendship falls short.

Some common relationship issues include:

How to find safe people
How to be a friend to someone
How to accept a friendship from a safe person
How to cultivate a friendship with a safe person
How to end a relationship with a non-safe person
If and when to tell a friend about the DID or trauma history
If and when to let the inside parts have a relationship with the other person
How to know if a person is not going to hurt you
How to resolve conflict with other people
How to manage abandonment issues
How to manage separation anxiety
Understanding why perpetrators purposefully break bonds or attempt to prevent the survivor from bonding with other people
Resolving grief from having lost other friends or loved ones
Exploring the dating scene
Deciding whether to marry or stay married
How to have a positive sexual relationship after being sexually abused
How to develop genuine intimacy with your loved one
How to participate in your friend/partner’s family
Being “adopted” by a healthy family

If you are experiencing difficulties in forming supportive relationships, please consider a clinical consultation.