Until
you have walked in my shoes, don't tell
me where they should be standing. You have
no idea what they feel like. You have no
idea where they have been. You have no idea
how many pairs of them there are.
There
are tiny shoes, little Mary Jane’s
in black patent leather. There are tennis
shoes dirty from playing outside. There
are jelly shoes on ten-year-old feet. There
are ballet shoes. There are school shoes.
There are church shoes. There are adult
size shoes. There are high-heeled pumps
that attract men. There are shoes made for
comfort. There are flip-flops and sandals.
Do you know where they've been? They've
all been to the same places. Places that
would scare you now, though you are grown.
Do
you think rape is scary? It is. How scary
do you think it is when it happens to a
little girl? How do you think it feels when
it is done by a close family member she
is supposed to trust? These shoes have been
in a place THAT scary, where such horrors
occurred.
All
the shoes have been there. Every pair. And
they have been there more than once. And
they have been in places where a little
girl was beaten by her mother. They have
been in places where the same little girl
who was beaten by her mother and raped was
molested by someone else. These shoes have
been through mud: they're dirty. These shoes
have been through hell. And you have never
worn them. They're all girls’ shoes,
for one. And they've never been to the world
you live in. They're not sold there. You've
never tried them on. You've never seen them.
And you certainly have never walked in them.
Until
you do, don't you DARE talk to me about
how therapy is unnecessary. Don't you talk
to me about how I could fix my problems
myself if I tried. Don’t you deny
that I have any problems at all. Don't you
try to redefine my reality and invalidate
my experiences. Don't you DARE!
Not
until you have walked in these shoes. Don't
you ever assume anything about me again.
Don’t presume you know what is good
for me when you know nothing about my life.
Don’t assume that what I went through
was not "all that bad". You were
not there. And if you had been, you may
not have even survived.
These
shoes have lived long lives. It's surprising
they still exist. Without therapy, they
will die. Until you’ve walked in these
shoes, don’t assume I won't really
kill myself. Until you've walked in these
shoes, don't assume I have no reason to.
Until you've walked in these shoes don't
you dare try to tell me where to stand.
Come
here. Try them on. See? You can't. So shut
up.
